Orange(Wednesday)s and Lemons #34
*Two emotions dominate the BFF atmosphere this day: excitement and deep, excitement-overriding suspicion. Who are these newbies? What are their quests? We don’t even know what score they’d give Tash’s Snape impression on the Rickman Scale for god’s sake – a 10/10, or just a measly 9.5? Still, finding out what they’re watching this week is a good place to start…*
Lydia (spent most of the morning placing a brain into Woody The Cowboy’s shaking hand):
With a title like Sarah’s Key and a flouncy poster to match, I think I could be excused for being led in my ignorance to images of a chick-flick exploring nothing beyond romance and ‘self-discovery’. Hold the press! It’s about the holocaust. Sarah’s Key looks genuinely touching and intriguing; a new take on a theme still so raw, yet frequenting the silver screen. My lemon is Smurfs 3D. It is still around. It is still 3D. And it still features Katy Perry trying to act.
Orange Choice: Sarah’s Key
Ultimate Lemon: The Smurfs 3D
Kayleigh (knows word-counts are for SAD-ACTS):
Okay, so I admit it, I’m actually quite looking forward to biting into the juicy orange that One Day is bound to be! The book was spectacular, the games with the timeline seem like they’ll transcend well to the big screen (hey, look at When Harry Met Sally!) and… well. I don’t want to upset people by saying that I like Anne Hathaway, but I don’t actively dislike her. On the other hand, I’m not planning on biting into the sour lemon that is Glee 3D any time soon. Now, I love Glee. Everybody loves Glee, right? But I HATE the fact that a) nobody can have a concert these days without forcing it onto the screen of my local cinema and b) that everything has to be in 3D! 3D singing and dancing on stage is highly unnecessary. Now 3D CGI, that I can get on board with. But a 3D Glee concert is an utterly redundant use of the technology, in my honest opinion. If people wanted to see it in 3D so badly, why didn’t they just GO TO THE FRIKKIN CONCERT?! Ahem.
Orange Choice: One Day
Ultimate Lemon: Glee 3D
Caroline (currently working on the most morally-ambiguous feature BFF has ever known):
Yes, it’s an example of Jim Carrey’s decadent fall from comedic grace and descent into perhaps utter madness, but I can’t help it. I am gagging to see Mr. Popper’s Penguins. Perhaps it’s a childhood attachment to Jim Carrey’s series of negligent-dad-done-good movies. It could even be because since Jenny McCarthy left him, I really just want a win for Jim Carrey. But mostly it’s because penguins, CGI or otherwise, are the most intensely watchable creatures on the planet. On the other end of the happiness scale we have Café, starring Jennifer Love Hewitt. It’s exactly the kind of movie you think it is. J-Hew, now 32, wears a wool hat and rides a bike to work. And… that’s it, seemingly. The trailer is filled with moments you scripted in your diary when you were fourteen, such as “I fancy someone.” “Oooh! WHO? Do I know her?” It’s you, Jennifer. It’s ruddy well you.
Orange Choice: Mr Popper’s Penguins
Ultimate Lemon: Café
Lydia (drew the Conan card and feeling bitter about it):
Thanks to 300 I’ve seen enough leather-clad crotches to last a lifetime. Therefore I will not be witnessing Conan and his luscious locks, or the rumoured cruelty to horses he apparently inflicts (except, of course, I will – damn you BFF and your enforced barbarian indulging). Grave Encounters seems suspiciously like a Blair Witch lookalike so I’ve declared it worthy of lemon credentials. Primarily due to the pronunciation of ‘murder’ as ‘moidaaar’ in The Guard I’ll be championing it as my orange for the week. As good a reason as any, right?
Orange Choice: The Guard
Ultimate Lemon: Conan
John (finally, FINALLY feels like the man of the outfit. Except for Tash, obviously):
This week I’m serving up my OJ with a whiskey, LSD and prostitute chaser and throwing my weight behind The Guard. Starring the inimitable Brendan Gleeson and written and directed by John Michael ‘My brother made In Bruges’ McDonagh, it’s a brutally funny and obscene film which leaves Gleeson’s Belgian antics in the shade. Look out for Don Cheadle as a doughty FBI agent, Mark Strong as a philosophical drug smuggler and an unremitting avalanche of dark humour interwoven with genuine thrills and unexpectedly touching moments. When you’ve finished laughing, find the horrible little gits who star in the new Spy Kids film and pour lemon juice into the papercuts on their faces. Oh, are there not any cuts? You’ll have to make some, then – try using the scratch’n’sniff cards. Nonsense.
Orange Choice: The Guard
Ultimate Lemon: Spy Kids 4: All The Time In The World
Tash (getting increasingly more worrying about that feature I mentioned):
I cannot even tell you how disappointed I was in Cowboys And Aliens. In a way it was deeply impressive: they managed to make two hours of COWBOYS with SHOOTY GUNS fighting ALIENS with STOMACH HANDS desperately dull dull dull – no easy task, especially when your cast has INDIANA FREAKIN JONES in it. Super serious, dowdy, Olivia-Wilde filled nonsense. Bah. On the upside, In A Better World is utterly glorious – a tense, original, brilliantly acted exploration of vengeance from the point of view of a couple of kids and the grown-ups that surround them. It might not have James Bond wearing leather chaps in it, but it turns out that’s an advantage. Who could have predicted it?
Orange Choice: In A Better World
Ultimate Lemon: Cowboys And Aliens
*So looks like a win for The Guard, In A Better World and One Day, and a big, flatulent loss for Cowboys And Aliens and Spy Kids. What you fixing yo’ eyes at?*