Orange(Wednesday)s and Lemons #48

*Now, it should be clear to anyone that this week it’s all hands on deck for the good ship Hugo. But here at BFF we’re nothing if not needlessly divisive, and frankly there’s nothing worse than everyone agreeing with everyone else like some horrible American Lesson About Things*

Papa Neish (SO excited about Trans4mers):
Despite harbouring more misgivings than I could ever reasonably count on one handful of lemons, the film I am most unexpectedly looking forward to this week is Hugo. Seriously, despite looking exactly as tiresome as every other Jude Law movie ever made, the film has received nothing but rave reviews. That leaves me with a stockpile of citrus grenades and absolutely nobody to aim them at. Nobody but Happy Feet 2, that is, a film which makes Alvin and the Chipmunks 6 seem positively inspired. Come on Hollywood, that iceberg has sailed; this is 2011, can’t you see it’s all about anthropomorphised meerkats these days?

Orange Choice: Hugo
Ultimate Lemon: Happy Feet 2


Kayleigh (lied about a sparkly coat):
It’s December, it’s chilly and I’m feeling ultra-festive. You know what’s festive? Oranges. Christingle Oranges staked all over with sweets and dried fruit, so much so that they begin to resemble a strange hedgehog. I’m giving this juicy little citrus blast to Hugo because it features keys, mysteries, trains and Parisian orphans which are like, I dunno, four of my most favourite things. My bitter lemon, devoid of any fruit or sweets, goes to Camp Hell. A horror film about a Christian youth camp? WITH JESSE EISENBERG? Blasphemous, on so many levels…

Orange Choice: Hugo
Ultimate Lemon: Camp Hell


*Two for two? We’re doing surprisingly well…*

John (messing with the colour spectrum like you wouldn’t believe):
This week my orange comes in the feathery, charming form of an Orange-breasted Waxwing, which is jolly convenient because my pick of this week’s films is the distinctly avian The Big Year. What do you mean, you’ve never wanted to see a film which is literally all about birds?

…No, seriously. ALL about birds. It’s got Steve Martin and Owen Wilson and Jack Black in it too, but the birds are the real stars. There might be birds in Hugo too for all I know, but Sacha Baron Cohen’s in it as well and I simply can’t be bothered with him this week. POW! Lemon, because that’s how I roll.

Orange Choice: The Big Year
Ultimate Lemon: Hugo


Tash (teary at the mere mention of Emma Thompson):
“Ooh look at me, I’m Martin Scorsese and no matter what the genre I make films that are immersive and beautiful”, pfft, remember 1999’s Bringing Out The Dead, Martin? Yeah? Exactly. What an idiot. For that reason, I’m bypassing Hugo, its exquisite reviews and its apparently gorgeous use of 3D in favour of The Thing – an entirely pointless prequel of an already brilliant film that will probably ruin our memories of it forever. Why? Because without the darkness of ludicrous, unnecessary prequel, we wouldn’t know the light joys of original, lovely cinema-fare like Hugo. See what I’m saying? In terms of lemons, it’s gonna have to be New Year’s Eve. Yep, it’s not out till tomorrow – but sometimes, in the face of Jon-Bon-Jovi-acting, a pre-emptive strike is all we have.

Orange Choice: The Thing
Ultimate Lemon: New Year’s Eve


Florence (makeshift wizard):

I’m giving my Orange to a film called Margaret about a seventeen-year-old girl (Anna Paquin) who witnesses and is caught up in the aftermath of a traffic accident. Now, I don’t really like Anna Paquin much, apart from when she was in Fly Away Home, and she was even kind of annoying in that. But I’ve heard great things about Margaret. AND it has Matt Damon in it AND Mark Ruffalo. I like those guys. Those guys can come to my house for pizza anytime they like. My Lemon goes to The Big Year because I feel like I’ve had to watch the trailer about 500 times and there’s something about Steve Martin’s rubbery face that creeps me out. Also, it’s about bird-watching and it just seems lame. Not that I dislike birds. If anything, I love birds.

Orange Choice: Margaret
Ultimate Lemon: The Big Year



Well, it has to be Hugo. Not just because it looks great, but also because it’s the first film since I started doing these that I’m actually going to see on a Wednesday.. Other than that, it’s a difficult week to get het up about anything. Nothing to do with Christmas, mind you; every release is neither interesting enough to excite nor obviously shit enough to annoy. Luckily I’m incredibly petty, so I’ll stamp a Lemon on The Big Year for having the audacity to pretend for 20 seconds worth of trailer that it wasn’t about men looking at birds.

Orange Choice: Hugo
Ultimate Lemon: The Big Year


Oh just go watch Hugo and be done with it, why don’t you…

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