Top 10 alternate careers for Jedi Knights
#10 – Jedi High School Teacher
It takes a very strange sort of person to WANT to head into a high school classroom – but dealing with troubled teens is what Jedi Masters are all about. Look at Yoda and Luke Skywalker! Look at Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi Wan Kenobi! Look at Obi Wan Kenobi and Anakin Sk… well. Maybe not that one so much. But you get what we’re talking about here, don’t you? You’ve been trained in patience and passive meditation (not to mention armed combat) – you’re a total shoe-in for this one!
PROS: Sharing your wisdom with young people
CONS: Sharing your personal space with young people
#9 – Jedi HR Manager
It’s a tough job, but someone’s got to keep on top of all those paperclips, payslips and sick forms, haven’t they? And who better to fulfill this cool and calculating office position than a person who has forsworn all emotional attachments, including romantic love? It’s a fact that HR Managers cannot feel regret, love or any of the other good human emotions – making it perfect for a Jedi like yourself.
PROS: Excellent pension package
CONS: One step closer to the Dark Side
#8 – Jedi Nutritionist
It takes a great deal of discipline to stick to a healthy diet and, if there’s one thing we know about you Jedi, it’s that you have a LOT of discipline up your loose brown sleeves. Why not channel these skills into something productive and help lesser mortals to find the inner strength within to help them overcome their bad eating habits? Whether you decide to become the leading Force behind a local fat fighters club, a nutritionary clinician or a calorie-counting busybody, we’re sure that any savvy Jedi can find a way to turn fat into gold.
PROS: Helping people
CONS: No more Mars Bars
#7 – Jedi Marriage Counsellor
As you’ll be well aware, a Jedi’s original role was to protect the Galactic Republic and the galaxy at large from conflict and / or governmental instability. And, while jobs in law enforcement are scarce at the moment (bloody Clones!), the ability to “keep the peace” leaves Jedi perfectly suited to the role of marriage counsellor. Prepare to lay down your lightsaber and go into this situation armed only with your soothing vocals and capacity for rational thought – it’s time to play middleman between two people with a marriage on the rocks.
PROS: Get to flex those peacemaker muscles!
CONS: Not allowed to settle an argument by cutting off their legs
#6 – Jedi Carpenter
We all know that Jesus was, essentially, a Jedi master. He had the teachings, he had the terrible drab and shapeless robes, he had the long uncouth hair and he had the discipline. Too bad he didn’t learn how to use a lightsaber – that crucifixion scene would have ended very different if so. Regardless, Jesus found his patience paid off in the world of carpentry and we think it might just pay off for the modern jobless Jedi too.
PROS: Flexible hours
#5 – Jedi Salesman
We’ve all seen you using the Force to persuade ordinary folks round to your point of view. From stopping people selling you Death Sticks to tricking Clone Soldiers into thinking those weren’t the droids they were looking for, all it takes is a wave of that hand and a simple compelling statement of fact. So why not work it round to your favour? Becoming a telesales person is surely the best next step for a Jedi in your position. You’ll easily meet quota with your persuasive powers AND you can do it all from the comfort of your very own office. Booth. Desk. Phone near the door. WHATEVER!
PROS: Great bonuses on offer
CONS: Have to become an asshole
#4 – Jedi Lawyer
Telesales not really your thing? How about becoming a lawyer then? Just like Jedi scholars, lawyers are bound to a code of ethics, morality, principles and justice. Standing up in a court of law is no different to standing up in front of the Jedi High Council (and who hasn’t done that?), only with more shouting. And business suits.
PROS: Perfectly suited to previous Jedi training
CONS: Have to relinquish the robes for a shirt and tie
#3 – Jedi Minister
People are becoming more open to the idea of Jedi Ministers – hell, Scotland are even paving the way for Jedi Knights to conduct marriage ceremonies – so why not try and secure a ministerial gig now? You get to keep the robes, you get to preach whatever you feel like, there’s room for serious career advancement (hello, Vatican City!) AND you can openly flaunt your Jedi status. Although, as mentioned, this may not be the best idea with all those Clone Armies running around the Empire…
PROS: Basically get to be a full time Jedi
CONS: Easy target for those carrying out the Great Jedi Purge
#2 – Jedi Babysitter
If you’re in the marker to make a little extra cash on the side, why not advertise your services as a babysitter? We all know how easy it is to keep younglings in check – just ask Anakin Skywalker – and it’s an easy way to make some Galactic Credits on the side of your usual Jedi activities (ironing robes, plaiting hair, keeping a watchful eye on Darth vader’s son from a nearby cave…)
PROS: Fits in around your schedule
CONS: People get very upset when you kill younglings
#1 – Jedi Journalist
The cherry on top of the career cake, Jedi Journalists are very much in demand – if scantily paid. Expect to use your mastery of the mind control to wangle scoops from unwilling victims, your skills with a lightsaber to defend press freedom (cheers, Hacked Off), your tuned-in nature to detect (and report on) disturbances in the Force and, quite simply, be an all-round awesome person. Just like all of us here at Best For Film.
PROS: All of them
CONS: None that we can see