Top 10 Real-Life Celebrity Superheroes And Supervillains
Maybe it’s the humidity, or maybe it’s the summer spate of blockbuster superhero movies, but something in the air has got the famous people feeling rather heroic. With Ryan Gosling and Kate Winslet slipping out from filming to defend mankind, we take a look at some of the other celebrities that aren’t afraid of a bit of rough and tumble in the name of virtue.
#5 – Ludacris Takes Disabled Fan To Prom
Ludacris! No, really. When a wheelchair-bound fan wrote to rapper and Crash actor Ludacris (probably on a dare) to attend her prom with her, she never expected him to respond. Or actually come. The rapper says that his fan “wrote in a letter saying she was my biggest fan and that she wanted to go the prom. I looked on my schedule and I found out that I was free on that day.” He also stipulated that he would be happy to take her as long as it didn’t become a publicity stunt. Considering this is the only image that exists of the event, I kind of believe him. Awww.
#4 – Matthew McConaughey Saves Cats and Children
You’d be forgiven for thinking that Matthew McConaughey’s chief reason for bringing utterly shit films into the world is because hes untalented. You’d be wrong though, because while other actors are making movies that don’t co-star Kate Hudson, McConaughey is out saving cats and children. In 2006, the actor saved a cat from being torched alive by a group of teenagers, who were planning to set it alight with a can of hairspray and a lighter. That’s L.A. for you. But wait, that’s not all! The T-Rex-armed 36 year old has also saved a toddler from a coyote and resuscitated a fainted woman with CPR.
#3 – Harrison Ford Routinely Rescues Hikers in His Massive Helicopter.
In 2000, two female hikers in their twenties collapsed due to dehydration and altitude sickness on a hike in Idaho. Just when it looked as if things were about to go 127 hours, a passing hiker phones for help. Who should show up but HARRISON FREAKING FORD. Landing with a medic in his chopper, Ford rescued the two girls and was reportedly wearing a cowboy hat the whole time. BUT WAIT. Apparently he does this all the time, lending his chopper and flying skills to local police for rescue missions. DUN-DE-DUN-DUN, DUN-DE-DUN, DUN-DE-DUN-DUN, DUN-DE-dun-dun-DUN.
#2 – Werner Herzog Saves Joaquin Phoenix From Car Accident
Perhaps the most bizarre statement ever written, it is also completely true. In 2006, the legendary director pulled Phoenix from his own car after he collided with another vehicle. Even Phoenix himself seems aware of how utterly awesome this is:
“And suddenly I said to myself, ‘That’s Werner Herzog!’ There’s something so calming and beautiful about Werner Herzog’s voice. I felt completely fine and safe.”
Werner Herzog: Saving Lives, Soothing Alcoholics.
#1 – Steve Buscemi Returns to Fire-Fighting After 9/11
Steve Buscemi. Fireman. Two words that should not ever be in the same sentence, unless the intervening words are “once unnerved a”. Insanely, Buschemi, an actor whose bug-eyes and flasher’s demeanor have made him an integral part of contemporary cinema, was a fire-fighter from 1980 to 1985. Although he quit fire-fighting for acting (why?), Buschemi returned to his old Manhattan station the day after 9/11.
Battalion Chief Richard Ardisson said of the actor:
“He put in 60 hours on top of the pile, pulling out victims. Not delivering coffee or giving moral support. He was exhausted and covered in soot.” Buscemi declined to speak to reporters, Ardisson explaining that “He said he wanted no recognition. He said, ‘These are my brothers.’ ”
Excuse me while I burst into tears at my desk.
Unfortunately, just as every Werner Herzog needs its Joaquin Phoenix, every superhero needs its supervillain. So if the first half of this article enlightened your view of the celebrity world, the second half may just rip it in half.
#5 – Alec Baldwin Calls Daughter an “Ungrateful Pig”
While this infamous voicemail was apparently justified by years of parental alienation from ex-wife Kim Basinger, one does tend to think that there is little excuse for calling your 11-year old “a rude, thoughtless little pig”, who is lacking “the brains and the decency as a human being.”
#4 – Christian Bale Makes Crew Member Want to Die
We always knew that Christian Bale was dark and brooding, and we loved him for it. It means he did mental things like lose a bomb of weight for The Machinist. But the world began to suspect that Bale was more Bateman then Batman when he went utterly psycho on the set of Terminator when a crew member walked through a scene. While the crew member in question stuttered through an apologie while audibly shitting himself, Bale’s tirade featured statements such as
“What the fuck is it with you? What don’t you fucking understand? You got any fucking idea about, hey, it’s fucking distracting having somebody walking up behind Bryce in the middle of the fucking scene? Give me a fucking answer! What don’t you get about it?”
#3 – OJ Simpson Murdered His Wife.
#2 – Mel Gibson Is Utterly Insane
It was hard to tell whether Mel Gibson or Charlie Sheen should go in this second slot. I’ve settled on Mel because while Charlie really just likes taking drugs and having sex with things, Mel has an actual ideology that is fundamentally out of step with any form of just thinking. Let Sheen have his goddesses, but let’s not let Gibson abuse Jewish people anymore. Or his wife for that matter, whom he called a “fucking embarrassment to me”, a statement he immediately followed with “If you get raped by a pack of n*ggers , it’s your fault”.
Mel, stop making us forget how good Maverick was.
#1 – Louis B. Mayer Made All The Actors Sad
It seems like you can’t read a book on old-school Hollywood without hearing something about Louis B. Mayer being an utter prick. Described by Elizabeth Taylor as a “monster”, whether deserved or not he has gone down in cinema history as the Great Dictator of cinema. Reportedly blackmailing Clark Gable in order to keep his salary low, he famously low-balled the actors he publicly called “family”. Mayer was known for manipulating his actors in and out of relationships with one another, and was also accused of molesting young actresses, most notably Judy Garland.
Let’s face it: If you can abuse Dorothy, you must be Hollywood’s biggest villain.