Godzilla gets fantastic new teaser

Gareth Edward’s Godzilla, his highly anticipated follow up to Monsters, finally has a trailer. A visually stunning, gorgeously constructed and – HALLELUJAH – totally spoiler-free trailer. No doubt you’ll need to talk about it at a Christmas party this week, so here’s what you need: first the trailer itself, and then a list of things you should avoid saying about it in order to avoid widespread public derision:

“Ugh, they’re remaking Godzilla, AGAIN?” – Yes, except they’ve obviously done it in an attempt to create something fresh and interesting and GOOD, so your cynicism is just going to make you look like the kind of person who won’t see The Hunger Games because it’s “for kids.”

“Actually, this looks like it could be ok!” – Your surprise will betray that you don’t know who Gareth Edwards is, or that he’s some kind of visual effects Mozart. Monsters blew the playing field wide open not only in terms of the possibilities for effects-heavy independent films, but also for monster movies that are actually good, and about something. This was always going to be a blinder.

“You only see part of the monster, and only for a few seconds” – This is an unbelievably boring point only raised by people who still covet pornographic magazines.

“I can’t *believe* they used Lux Aeterna in a movie about a big lizard” – This is an unbelievably boring point only raised by people who have tried and failed to masturbate to the orgy sequence in Eyes Wide Shut.

“Well, it can’t be worse than Cloverfield – People who think that Cloverfield is a bad movie are not only wrong, but actively dangerous.

Godzilla will be released on May 16th 2014, and stars exclusively good actors, many of which are well overdue for a bit of massive international renown: Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Elizabeth Olsen, Bryan Cranston, Juliette Binoche, David Strathairn, Sally Hawkins and Ken Watanabe. The script’s in safe hands too; the vast majority was penned by Frank Darabont, who proved adapt at chaos and monsters with The Mist and his telly show, The Walking Dead.

Now, let’s all watch the trailer over and over again and wonder why no one else thought of how cool red vapour trails look on a stormy day.

Are you super psyched about Godzilla? US TOO!

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