We were pretty well convinced that last week’s extraordinary news about Arnie’s next project was an elaborate ploy, but we finally have proof – and it’s trailer-shaped.

This extraordinary video shows Arnie pledging to return to private life, before using his POWER RING and CYBER EYE to unlock a crime-fighting fortress full of teenagers (?), from whence he issues forth to batter robots with bullet-time and a giant L. WATCH THIS NOW.

Right, things to note:

* Power ring – Green Lantern ✓
* Cyber eye scan which opens impractical round door – The Terminator / X-Men ✓
* Hi-tech underground lair/futuristic motorbike – Batman ✓
* Powered armour which puts itself on – Iron Man ✓
* Badass robots – Transformers ✓
* Teenage sidekicks/prominent milk theme – Mister T (the series) ✓
* Absurd pseudo-hip-hop soundtrack – Hancock ✓
* Male journo who’s apparently called Mary – topical gender issues ✓ (fuck it, why not?)

This might be the least original project in the history of the entertainment industry. AND it’s apparently going to be not only a comic and a TV series – plans are also afoot for a 3D film. We’ll get round to disapproving of this money-spinning bollocks as soon as we’ve stopped nerdgasming.