In all honesty, you might not even need to read this review; Stonehenge Apocalypse is exactly as you imagined it when you saw the SKULL IN A MUSHROOM CLOUD on its poster. Still, know thine enemy and all that…

You’ve probably spent all week talking about Charlie Sheen, the most high-profile man to have a spectacular mental collapse since Mel Gibson got all boring and racist. With that in mind, we thought we’d ride the zeitgeist by channelling some of his most poignant wisdom and making it into crude reasons why you should get pissed. Bish bash bosh.

After the recent success of True Grit it’s time we forget about aliens, doomsday stories and talking animals for a while and remember the art of film for real men – The Western. Let us recall the good old days- when 14 year old girls didn’t just hang out and have wet dreams about Justin Bieber, but went off with strangers to kill the murderer of their Dads and some Outlaws on the way. If you’re a fledgling Western buff, fear not – we’ve got the films you need to feel part of the action. Heck, you can almost smell the horse poop and cowboy sweat right on your couch…

Hong Kong actor, martial artist, producer and director Sammo Hung is known to the West through ventures like TV series Martial Law and Kung Fu Hustle. We caught up with him to chat about action directing on Ip Man 2 He’s just a lovely, lovely man.

“Oh brilliant”, you’re thinking, “another addition to the already crowded sub-genre of Welsh films set in South America”. But hush your cynicism a while, because this one’s really good. In fact, it deserves to be one of your top 10 Welsh/South American films of all time. Though a little meandering, its grip on the hardships of human relationships and jaw-droppingly beautiful cinematography make Patagonia a cut above your average Duffy video. Duffy’s in it, is the point.

Fancy a nice little documentary about the biggest trash dump in the world? Get ready for a Cinderella story with true grit, a wonderful cast and an improbably big heart…

He’s got a red skull.

Yep. Didn’t see that coming, did you?

… and its not the 14th of NEVER

The Academy’s newest favourite lady is back on our screens with a film as distant from Black Swan as it’s possible to imagine (not least because Ashton Kutcher would clearly have wet himself when Winona got her stab on). As charming and funny as it is predictable and clichéd, No Strings Attached might make your day but won’t change your life.