Watching Alpha And Omega is essentially like watching an hour and a half of deleted cut-scenes from a 90s Sonic The Hedgehog Sega game, if the special effects were worse and it was made by a suspected sex offender. Dull, unfunny and bizarrely adult in parts, under no circumstances should you or your children be subjected to this.

Alpha And Omega is the new CGI family 3D film offering from Lionsgate. And. Well. In short, it’s the worst thing ever. It’s awful. It was so bad that it filled me with an irrational rage of such strength that four cheese sandwiches and an episode of Black Books later, my eyes remained un-glazed and full of knives. There is, I realised, only one way to rid myself of this sudden and frightening anger: I have to tell the world.