You’ve seen the lists of forthcoming blockbusters, superheroes and potential Oscar-fodder, but what are the 2012 films you haven’t heard of and have no interest in seeing? H Anthony Hildebrand has all the inessential (and made up) details.

The Rum Diary is an occasionally funny, occasionally madcap film that essentially is neither very funny nor very madcap. Despite the promises of the trailer the film follows a narrative that is conventional and even a tad dull. All in all, it’s a bit of a rum deal. Ahem.

Captain Jack! CAPTAIN JACK! We’ve found the rum, mate.

Who are the most baked, caned, hopped-up or tripped-out characters in movie history? Here, in the sort of order which can only really be dreamt up through a haze of quaaludes, mescaline and Night Nurse, are our top ten.

Richard E. Grant and Paul McGann star in this cult classic about two actors who go on holiday “by mistake”. Unemployed actors Withnail (Grant) and “I” (McGann) escape their 1960s Camden flat for a much-needed holiday in the countryside. However they soon discover that the country is just as, if not more stressful than living in London.