Who will he be playing, Barry Hanukkah?
The Expendables has a lot to answer for.
Just when we thought the Expendables series couldn’t get any better, word has reached us that producer Adi Shankar has plans to make an all-female version of action ensemble. Director of the sequel, Simon West has stated that he is fully on board with the idea (WHO WOULDN’T BE?) and would like to see a line-up involving the likes of Angelina Jolie, Cameron Diaz, Milla Jovovich, Helen Mirren and Jamie Lee Curtis. We can see the appeal of those casting choices but here at BFF (which otherwise stands for Best For Females) we’ve dreamed up a list with a little more bite. So here it is chaps and chapettes: the top ten ovarylicious casting choices for an all-female Expendables. WARNING: Due to her recent involvement in the unforgivable Red Lights, Sigourney Weaver has been banned from this list.
In 2006, unofficially-crowned Worst Director of All Time Uwe Boll made an action-fantasy video-game adaptation (of the Dungeon Siege games) called In The Name Of The King. It cost $60million, starred Jason Statham and Ron Perlman, and boasted supporting turns from Ray Liotta and Burt Reynolds. It made less than $14million and has a Rotten Tomatoes score of 4%. Now, six years later, he’s made a sequel. Super.
Back to deliver yet more gratuitous violence, outrageous plot twists and dreadful puns, Sylvester Stallone and his team have got another job, and this time they’re joined by Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme. Subtle nuances and character development there is not, but The Expendables 2 knows exactly what it is and it delivers. Sure, the lines are literally made of cheese, but what’s not to love about a bunch of good old fashioned action heroes doing what they do best?
Are we dead? Is that it? Is this Hell, with Boll as a crazy German Satan. There is literally no other explanation for this.