I AM INVINCIBLE!
Mutant Nazis to taste serious amounts of lead.
So you’re a character in a film. Congratulations! And you’re about to meet your onscreen death. Ah, not so great. Still, you’ve got time to say a single line. A line that has the chance to be immortalised in cinema history. A line that will be quoted time and time again by pop culture nerds in bad accents. What do you say? Well, let’s look at some of the all-time greats for a bit of inspiration.
(SPOILERS SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY SPOILERS)
Subtly lowering our expectations before it plummets like a lead zeppelin, then…
One of the many ways in which Hollywood have flogged a thousand dead horses, the reboot is not only alive and well but getting faster. We take a look at a few that actually worked, and a few more that made our eyes bleed. Beware; there will be many highs, lows and gratuitous wrestling analogies.
James Bond, agent of Her Majesty’s Secret Service, is a hero and inspirational figure, right? WRONG! If he was real, James Bond would be the worst human being who ever lived; Adolf Hitler had more moral fibre than this womanising drunk. With James Bond Ian Fleming created a monster, not a role model, and here’s why.
Not content with desecrating the legacy of such horror classics as The Wicker Man, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Hitchcock’s own Psycho, Hollywood is now setting out to turn The Birds into yet another lifeless, pointless, remake.