Soon-to-be Superman Henry Cavill hones his ‘acting like a tight t-shirted wall of brunette pointlessness’ muscles in this truly unforgivable action carcrash. Bruce Willis, Sigourney Weaver, you guys are legit – what on earth are you doing here? And by the way, Sigourney, we still haven’t talked about Abduction…
Oh hi, Tarsem Singh. Ever heard of Icarus? Yeah, he was the son of Daedalus, escaped from Crete with wings made of wax, all that. Dead? Yeah, he’s dead – flew too close to the sun, arrogant little tit. Hubristic? Yeah, I suppose he was – still, at least he didn’t have the gall to make Immortals. Did he, Tarsem Singh? DID HE?
Ah it’s Friday, it’s sunny, so why not pop out in the garden with a massive beer cooler and stare up at the…wait a minute! What’s that? Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it’s Superman, flying down to enjoy a truly spiffing alcoholic ginger beer, or maybe a fruity pimms. Remind him not to F.U.I.
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This summer, you can hardly move for superhero films – and Green Lantern aside, we’ve seen most of the stars before. All the classic heroes have had a fair few outings with different faces by now, and if there’s one thing we hate about competition it’s not knowing who’s the WINNER. Feel like arbitrarily deciding whether Michael Keaton’s better at being grumpy than Christian Bale? Good.