Jonah Hex is arguably what you’d get if you transposed Van Helsing to 1876 Virginia, stripped every joke and ironic line out of the script, replaced the mediocre CGI vampires with dreadful CGI corpses and then forcefully raped John Malkovich’s reputation with a branding iron. It’s spectacularly awful.
Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner of Twilight fame join Zac Efron and Miley Cyrus as Oscar hosts this year, a decision which some find surprising. With the teen market being marketed too so heavily, some people are worried that the Academy Awards might be losing a little of its prestige.
When we had finished watching Law Abiding Citizen, we had just one question. What is it with Scottish actors and the American accent? Seriously, first up there was Ewan MacGregor, sounding like he was talking with a mouth full of nails in Deception. You’d have thought Hugh Jackman (who like most Australians has some pretty convincing Yank speak) would have taken him aside and given a few words of advice. Admittedly they were both probably avoiding eye contact in the hope that if they didn’t look at one another they might awake from the nightmare of starring in the worst erotic thriller since Ernest Goes to Jail.
Damn you George Lucas! No, not for making the Star Wars prequels and casting a Canadian Redwood as the Dark Lord of the Sith. And not for flogging a dead, Indiana Jones shaped, horse in The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. No, we damn you because as the Godfather of the franchise you are directly culpable for Ratnerised X-Men: The Last Stand. It’s complete uselessness is the reason we’ve been treated to this Wolverine prequel (and, if rumours are to believed, a sequel to the prequel plus a Magneto movie as well). An entirely new franchise of an existing franchise – great, just what we’ve always wanted!