It’s beginning to look absolutely nothing like Christmas…

Oh my shit, it’s April! And it’s brought along not only Fools’ Days, sweet spring showers and the prospect of some chinless wonder marrying a Sloane, but also a batch of fresh and steaming new films – some promising, others less so. Stick around as we sift through this month’s cinematic offerings week by week and separate the fresh fish (FRESH FISH, Glen Coco!) from the distinctly murky tuna salad…

There hasn’t been a really, really good film about Jesus for ages, has there? Actually, there hasn’t ever been one – they’re either unpleasantly graphic (The Passion of the Christ) or cringeworthily obsequious (everything else). We can’t be doing with this dearth of watchable Jesus biopics, so we’ve suggested a few leading men (and ladies) who might be up to the job…

Hollywood’s latest live-action holiday feature, Tim Hill’s Hop, gets a new poster courtesy of the film’s official Facebook page.

Arthur Christmas, released next December by Aardman Animations, is going to be the best Christmas film ever. Just so you know.

Well, that’s a rather interesting change of direction. Earlier in the year we reported that Emma Thompson was writing a re-make of the Audrey Hetburn classic My Fair Lady, but back then the front runner for the main role was Keira Knightley. It seems like since then it’s been all change, and now the lucky lady is non other than Oscar nominee Carey Mulligan. And the world can let out a sigh of relief.

The LA Times’ 24 Frames blog has reported that Laurie is in serious discussions to play the lead in a small indie-film entitled Oranges, in which an older man (Laurie) has an affair with the daughter of a family friend. Mila Kunis is apparently set to play the foxy youngster, and Gossip Girl’s Leighton Meester also fits in somewhere, though it’s too early to know where all the pieces fit. But of what we’ve heard so far, this is looking to be a pretty exciting jigsaw (and we wouldn’t say that lightly).

We all heard the news a few months ago, a film remake (yawn) of My Fair Lady, directed by Joe Wright- the man who brought us Keira Knightley being all big-chinny in Pride and Prejudice and Keira Knightley playing ‘my chin is quite sad’ in Atonement. But wait! Today it’s been announced that this whole Joe Wright palava is one big porky.

An action packed yet rather fluffy CGI-romp from Dreamworks. Aliens are attacking, and the only ones who can beat them are monsters imprisoned by the government. For the wee ones, the in-jokes, great graphics and cameo appearances will be enough to satisfy, but if you’re looking for something with a bit more heart, we’d recommend the meatier offerings from Disney/Pixar.

When we last left TV’s favourite unhinged doctor, he’d been indirectly responsible for the death of his only friend Wilson’s girlfriend and new-school team member Thirteen had discovered she had Huntington’s Disease. Despite some early uneasiness while these plot issues resolve themselves, season five generally continues the hit show’s original formula with entertaining success. There’s a darker edge to this season, however, as the real House behind the sarcastic quips is discovered in depth.