Someone needs to stop Sly Stallone before he wastes any more celluloid. An overblown, overacted mess, watching The Expendables is like liquidising all your Rambo DVDs, pouring the resulting testosterone-laden gloop into a shotgun with a generous slug of protein shake, and shooting yourself in the face.

“We are the shadow, the smoke in your eyes, the ghosts that hide in the night…”. If anyone can think of a more ridiculous line to describe Sly Stallone and his motley crew of roided-up ex-wrestlers and 80s action heroes in 2010 action movie The Expendables, we’d like to hear it.