D’you know what the world needs more of? Formulaic martial arts films with an unfeasibly badass female lead chasing a briefcase full of MacGuffin to an ear-rending soundtrack. Serve me up some more of that, Vietnamese film industry! Oh, you already have? Super.

Heavy Metal, muscles, blood, and Vinnie Jones. Oh, and tits. Lots of tits. All in slow motion.

It does exactly what it says on the box. Aliens. And Ninjas. Oh, and they don’t get on. What did you expect?

Is Alien vs Ninja a stark documentary on social decline? No it is not! Look at the title – it’s a fun action adventure featuring alien/ninja fights! This film promises pure sci-fi martial arts joy and delivers it in spades. We have 3 DVDs to give away. Banzai! Competition ends 9 March 2011

Professional man-child Kevin James has signed on to star in a mixed martial arts comedy. We’re kicking ourselves on his behalf.