You’ve seen the lists of forthcoming blockbusters, superheroes and potential Oscar-fodder, but what are the 2012 films you haven’t heard of and have no interest in seeing? H Anthony Hildebrand has all the inessential (and made up) details.

Who are the most baked, caned, hopped-up or tripped-out characters in movie history? Here, in the sort of order which can only really be dreamt up through a haze of quaaludes, mescaline and Night Nurse, are our top ten.

With its cast including Paul Walker, Hayden Christensen and Chris “Rihanna’s ex” Brown, Takers was never overly likely to make audiences think too hard. Given its title because its anti-heroes like to take things (told you it wasn’t a thinker), the plot follows a gang of bank robbers as they plan a $30 million heist, unaware that a hard-boiled detective is closing in on them, determined to crack the case. What results is a dodgy pastiche of crime films everywhere – fun in places, but ultimately brainless.

Whatever happened to Matt Dillon? He was going great guns in the ’90s with Wild Things and There’s Something About Mary, then dropped off the scene with the sort of speed usually reserved for people who, well, died. Turns out he’s now starring in this armoured-car heist thriller from competent (if b-grade) action maestro Nimrod Antal. Maybe he shouldn’t have bothered coming out of premature career retirement though – Armored is predictable, missable and forgettable, floundering in the wake of the action genre’s more intelligent January offerings.

Armored – released this week – looks simple, down-the-line and maybe a little dumb. It might be enjoyable enough, but we’d have been more excited if the distributers had at least bothered to spell ‘Armoured’ correctly on the UK posters.

From Brit-grit gangsters in 44 Inch Chest to hard-hitting drama in Brothers, Best For Film looks at all the upcoming releases and lets you know what’s worth the price of admission. Also up this month we’ve got the hotly anticipated crime drama A Prophet, rom-coms from Sandra Bullock, The Book of Eli, Up in the Air and heist action in Armored.