Parker isn’t entertainingly bad like Crank or The Transporter 1 through 3. It’s just bad. Bad acting, bad plot, bad villains, bad heroes, and a bad-ass car.
Jason Statham is made of rage and speaks like he’s reading the instruction manual for setting up a Freeview box. Naturally neither of these things elevate Parker to the lofty heights of, say, The Mechanic; and make for the most mind-numbing 118 minutes of your life that you will never get back.
Can we bombard Jessica Alba with gamma rays until she disappears? A couple minutes on high should get the job done.
The trailer for Jason Statham as psychotic gangster Parker breaks no new ground, but what do we care? We’re philistines. Just give us more Statham!