Paul WS Anderson has committed the greatest act of cultural rape since Stephenie Meyer thought “Whitby and dogs are all very well, but none of it’s really sparkly enough…”. The Three Musketeers is plagiarised from so many disparate sources that I can scarcely keep up with them – unfortunately, however, Alexandre Dumas’ classic romance isn’t among them. This film is unforgivable.

Some days we genuinely don’t know why we bother.

All for one, and one for QUIFF

Edward Norton and Robert De Niro are the main draw for this prison drama, which otherwise paints a confused picture of the thin line between law man and law breaker which never quite hits its mark.

It’s the fourth installment in the Resident Evil franchise and IT’S IN 3D! Alice is back to kick-ass and not even the removal of her powers is going to get her to calm down. Ain’t nothing going to hold this girl down. Evil corporation, mneh. Zombies, puh-lease. The traitorous living, move over, girlfriend! Unfortunatley, even in the spirit of “GIRL POWER”, there is not much to this film aside from guns, the undead and women fighting the undead. With guns. Which I guess is pretty standard for a computer game.

The Fourth Kind has been endlessly marketed as the next big thing in the docu-drama niche, touting its real-to-life credentials with all the po-faced gravitas of a clinically depressed geography teacher. A cursory glance, let alone a detailed investigation, is all you need to discover that somebody, somewhere, is covering up the truth regarding their background material…