It’s been a hell of a week for cinema, hasn’t it? Hasn’t it? What do you mean, you don’t know? Are you telling us that you haven’t been glued to the Best For Film Twitter account all week, breathlessly drinking in every word of Hollywood news as we churned it out? You little bitch. Get in here and catch up or we’ll spank you.

Another week rolls to a close, and yet again you haven’t kept up on the constant flood of cinematic nonsense which issues from the mouths of actors, publicists and (most importantly) us. Thank god for our conveniently bite-sized News Round-Up, eh? If only all revision was this much fun.

It’s been another jam-packed week here in the world of film, but we understand that you’re a busy bee and you can’t be expected to keep up with our entire news output. So here, once again, is our handy Saturday digest of the week’s top stories. It’s like time-travelling, but not nearly as good!

Another week gone, and unless you’re Whitney Houston you’ve managed to survive it! (We’ll stop the Whitney jokes next week, promise). What better way to celebrate your continued existence than to crawl back into bed and read about all the things what done happened since last time we presumed upon your weekend?

Another week, another torrent of news which nobody will care about by Monday. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t care now! A thorough grounding in contemporary film trivia is the best CV in the world, and we’re here to make sure you get the job of your dreams (working in Blockbuster)…

It’s Saturday morning – you’d planned to get up early and make the most of the day, but instead you hid under the covers until quarter to eleven like a shut-in with a passion for snuggliness. You’re such a failure. But never mind – if you’re not going to experience the world first-hand, you can just catch up on the best of the week’s movie news with our regular round-up!

Holy pineapple chunks, Batman – it’s a brand new feature! Today and on every weekend until the Earth is consumed by fire and ice, we will be bringing you the pick of the week’s film gossip in a format so accessible, democratic and toothsome you might well mistake it for Peaches Geldof’s ladygarden. It’s time to round up the news…