To celebrate the brief few days between the release of Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides and its inevitable box office flop, we thought we’d channel the very muckiest of Captain Jack Sparrow’s rum-guzzling habits and settle you down for an evening of alcoholism on the high seas. Avast, where be that Babycham?

All for one, and one for QUIFF

“Shut it!”

Paul WS Anderson, are you reading this? We know where you live, and we’re going to force-feed you literature until you cry like a mewling baby girl.

Miranda Kerr could soon have two helpless, drooling little boys to look after.

Hurrah!

Probably.

Stop press – The Hobbit will actually feature characters from The Hobbit!

Frodo? Are you even born yet?

The first teaser trailer for Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides has been released. Come have a look-see!