For our fourth Monday Face/Off, we at BFF Towers have decided to mark imminent release of Stoker with a titanic battle over the worth of Australian Oscar winner Nicole Kidman. In the film, Tom Cruise’s ex plays the unstable mother of India (not the nation), whose father has just passed away, and his mysterious brother comes to move in with them. Tagged: DO NOT DISTURB THE FAMILY, we shall determine whether dearest Nicole is disturbingly good or simply disturbing. In the pro camp stands Ray, ready to defend NK’s honour: in the anti-camp stands Carlotta, sharpening her knives in anticipation of a slaughter. Let the butchery begin!

But then again he might not.

One minute you’re basking in rapturous applause, gratefully clasping the most coveted of all tiny golden men, and the next, well, you’re teaming up with Ashton Kutcher for yet another kooky road comedy. We explore the terrifying curse of the Best Actress Oscar, and pay homage to those poor souls struck down…

This film adaptation of David Lindsay-Abaire’s play Rabbit Hole has got Oscar-pleaser written all over it; Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart delivering an acting tour de force, a fantastic screen play, and even a soundtrack that’s beautifully sensitive. But then why does Rabbit Hole only have one Oscar nomination, and no awards to it’s name?

This week’s cheat sheet features everyone’s favourite Ken doll, Aaron Eckhart. Somewhat passed over in Hollywood, performances in The Dark Knight and Thank You for Smoking, along with a jawline that rivals Sophie Ellis-Bextor, have ensured him a spot in the Best for Film fan club.

Ah, Valentine’s Day. Apart from very new couples who are still overdosing on saccharine, there really isn’t a single adult human – taken or unattached – who enjoys its enforced affection and awkward present-buying. Of course, the torture is worse if you know you’re planning to ditch your other half but still have to lavish them with contrived pseudo-love – and that’s where we come in…