A thoroughly unnecessary and totally uncalled-for reboot of the Morgan Freeman-led Alex Cross films unites mediocre director Rob Cohen with the flop magnet that is the actor/director/screenwriter/producer/general nuisance Tyler Perry. A clumsy, forced script, an inexplicable central plot, and muddled direction makes Alex Cross a flamboyant train-wreck where the mangled carcasses of a buddy movie, a cop caper, and a psychological thriller are barely distinguishable.

So. Much. Manliness. Conan has returned in this Marcus Nispel remake to avenge lost loves, roam round without the aid of clothing and most importantly, participate in a spot of horse abuse. Behold the 113 minute presentation of the gunshow.

Woe is Joe