Look, we’ve read the news – we know all about Run For Your Wife only taking £602 on its opening weekend, and about Danny Dyer (probably) threatening to cut the faces off everyone at the distribution company in retribution, apples’n’pears, blah. But when we finally made it to a screening, we were amazed. Forget your preconceptions – the only reason Run For Your Wife has bombed is because YOU PEOPLE AREN’T READY FOR IT.

But you don’t want to know who’s starring…