Bringing Up Bobby, Famke Janssen’s directorial debut, is an excellent example of why some actors should stay in front of the camera. Although it’s reasonably well put-together, any attempt at drama, or comedy, or pathos comes off as aggressively soporific. You’ll spend less time watching the film than wondering if Milla Jovovich’s character is a paedophile. Flat, boring and stupid, no one need subject themselves to this rancid cinematic cheese.

Can you believe that there’s only 6 days until Christmas!? Let us commiserate at the implacable march of time by considering our top 8 maids a-milking. There’s a lot of fertile subject matter here, but it’s become a little tribute to some of the most important themes of Christmas – family, togetherness, the sacrifices of a loving mother, baby Jesus and… um… Joe Pesci? Whatever. Milky maids. Let’s do it.

Are you close to your mother? Well, if you are as close as this lot you may want to rethink your relationship. Willing to go to extremes at their mother’s bidding, a group of criminals invade an innocent couple’s home and indulge their psychotic whims.