It’s hardly a secret that we’re big fans of independent cinemas, but we’re also big fans of London and get a bit scared of crossing the M25 lest we melt. Fortunately, our newest and shiniest writer Duncan has no such qualms; he’s bringing you all you need to know on the venerable Duke of York, the pride of sunny Brighton. Hurrah!

You know what’s better than Wednesday? Friday. But screw you guys, we’ll probably all be dead by then. Let us rejoice at our current aliveness; let us read words about the cinema, understand the words about the cinema and act on the words about the cinema. Hey, let’s go to the cinema! Wednesday!

Competition closed. Winners: C Tett, N Cronin

A more-than-a-little-smug celebration of Dadaism, Rubber is nevertheless a wholly original, entertaining and technically outstanding exploration of the boundaries of storytelling. Following a serial killer tyre by the name of Robert and those who watch him work, it certainly makes you question the cinematic conventions we take for granted. But considering it does all that within the first five minutes, its feature-length running time is a little unnecessary.

No, we don’t know how this made it from someone’s mind onto film either. And it’s not about condoms.