Creepy, shmoozing teenager, Justin Bieber is not only taking over the radio waves but he’s all spread his sacharine smile on our screens too. He’s chatting to his new mate, Will Smith who must have been charmed by Bieber’s innocence (he doesn’t fool me, he knows exactly what he’s doing) and has decided to make a film based on Bieber’s life. What life?? Isn’t he like twelve??? What could he have done with his life? I’m hoping for a 50 Cent, Get Rich or Die Trying type thing.
Yes, it’s that time of year again. The kids have broken up from school and the country is trembling with that thunderous and eternal summer cry – ‘I’m borrred’! Gone are the days of macaroni jewelry boxes and pooh sticks. Today’s little darlings demand high-tech, high-action adventure, which kicking a ball about with Charlie from next door simply won’t satisfy. These precious six weeks are their only chance to escape from an otherwise extremely stressful lifestyle. So, how to deal with our children during these long, sticky summer days. Lock them in a cage? Remove all sugary food items? Earplugs? The solution is much simpler my friend…
The A-Team is ridiculous. But given that it’s based on perhaps the cheesiest TV series ever to star a be-Mohawked ex-wrestler with a serious thing for bling, that’s not really its fault. Anyway, the A-Team movie replaces him with a cage-fighter who has given all four of his sons the middle name ‘Rampage’, which is frankly BOSS.
The remake of The Karate Kid is coming out soon and I’m scared. I have visions of myself coming out of the screen a broken woman, feebly humming Joe Esposito’s You’re the Best to myself. The horror of seeing a much loved film pillaged by grasping Hollywood producers is traumatic enough to merit the forming of some sort of support group.