Tell you what, we’ve only got a new bloody writer! The glorious Janina Matthewson can be found across the Internet writing for everyone from NASA (that might be a lie) to our little-sister site Work in Prowess, and she’s finally scaled the walls of Best For Film Towers to shower us with opinions and that. Ever wanted help justifying your refusal to watch anything but Labyrinth, over and over again? Welcome home.

Tom Cruise isn’t in them…at least, that’s what they want you to think.

The unseen footage from Apollo 18, which is released today, will give us historically accurate and scientifically verifiable accounts of why we never returned to the moon. On top of the rock-solid evidence provided by Apollo 18, we have compiled a list of intergalactic calamity that should keep your lunar escapades at bay.

Because the man who wrote My Super Ex-Girlfriend should definitely still be getting work.

He’s been the driving force behind some of the most elegant and successful animated films of all time, he’s won two Oscars in four years, and now he’s taking over the Mission: Impossible franchise from J.J. Abrams. Who is this miracle man (don’t be misled by his surname, sexist 1970s chaps, he is indeed a man)? Read on!

As a huge proportion of horror films become ever more identikit, gory and bland, it’s very easy to write off the whole genre as worthless. But we’re standing up and saying NO MORE! There’s gold in them thar pans of muddy shite, and we’re going to find it.

Actors are a busy lot. All the research, workshopping, meetings, studio time, press releases, premiere events, Oscar screenings and after parties must get exhausting. And that’s just for one film. But, there are some go-getting young gunslingers in the acting community who want to go the extra mile and really get involved with the world outside the film industry. And here they are. A list of my favourite actors who want to make a difference.

I’ll never know what made the mysterious Banksy make a pretty accesible opening sequence for The Simpsons but gosh dammit, I wish I could. With his anti-agendas, why hook up with “The Man”? Yes, artists are allowed to get involved in other stuff but all I can say is “Keep It Real”. It’s on. Banksy vs Dali.

Probably the best news of all time; Napoleon Dynamite is being made into a six episode animated series with the entire film cast expected to provide voices for the show, although I wonder if Tina, the fat lard of a llama will be present in the studio.

After years of being a leader in world of comedy (the Simpsons? Spinal Tap? Saturday Night Live?) Harry Shearer returns to our screens in a very different guise – as the director of searing political documentary The Big Uneasy. Would we be able to contain ourselves upon meeting him? We would soon find out…