Call me Ishm- OH MY GOD SPACE WHALE SPACE WHALE

So it’s official; Anne Hathway will definitely be taking on the role of Fantine in the upcoming film version of Les Misérables. If you felt a breeze just then, it would be the result of collective sighs sweeping across the nation. This seems like the perfect time to lament the top 10 roles which didn’t require Anne Hathaway, doesn’t it?

The Oscars 2012 are, ever so slowly, creeping up on us. And how better than to celebrate the upcoming 84th Academy Award than by pretending we’re psychic and predicting the big winners. We’re even doing this BEFORE THE NOMINATIONS LIST IS REVEALED, because we’re badasses like that. From Melancholia to The Artist, we’ve covered a lot of ground here; take a gander at our prophetic visions and see if you agree with our predictions for the 2012 Oscars…

Wait a minute, hold the phone… Peter Bradshaw LIKES something? It must be A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!

and… we need to talk about it?

Good. There’s not enough vampire movies these days.

There hasn’t been a really, really good film about Jesus for ages, has there? Actually, there hasn’t ever been one – they’re either unpleasantly graphic (The Passion of the Christ) or cringeworthily obsequious (everything else). We can’t be doing with this dearth of watchable Jesus biopics, so we’ve suggested a few leading men (and ladies) who might be up to the job…

Aslan is back and working in yet more mysterious ways as the younger Pevensies return to Narnia with their unsuspecting cousin. Tasked with delivering the Seven Swords of the Seven Lords to Aslan’s Table (lions don’t have opposable thumbs, you see), the threesome are individually tested as they continue their Narnian adventures. After the disappointing Prince Caspian, can Michael Apted bring magic and wonder back to the world beyond the wardrobe?

Host of huge names linked to Moon Rise Kingdom

As the mega-success of The Lovely Bones revealed, there’s big money to be made in an adaptation of a classic weepy. Lynne Ramsey and actress Tilda Swinton have revealed that they plan to turn Lionel Shriver’s bestselling novel We Need To Talk About Kevin into a motion picture.