Walking around East London at the moment you might think that it has already been overtaken by Zombies. It has been swarmed by thousands of slow moving, odd sounding Olympic tourists who make it their mission to get in your way and send you into a apoplectic rage and if they don’t kill you (from all of the stress and rage) then the uber irritating Hipsters might. (Bloody Hipsters…) But this is just the beginning of the problems for the east end, as it is about to be hit by a massively behind the times ‘what does Zeitgeist mean?’ zombie movie.

We here at BFF thought that Zombies were dead. Well, we know that they’re dead…but so dead they are over. Apparently not, although to be fair to Cockneys vs Zombies this film has been lingering around in pre-production hell for a very long time. In fact the script has been waiting for someone to come along to blow the dust off it since 2009… Starring Michelle Ryan (Eastenders) and no one else of note (Bob Hoskins backed out), the film is about three cousins who decide to rob a bank in the East End to get the money to keep their grandfather’s retirement home open and prevent him from being sent far away to another one. At the same time though, a zombie plague has broken out across London and soon catches up with the gang, giving them a lot more to worry about than just the bank guards.

Overly dramatic poster, eh? Also none of those landmarks are even in the (proper) East End!! (The Gherkin is debatable…don’t get a Londoner involved in this discussion.) Expect Uzi toting pensioners, bad acting and a lot of rhyming slang. Had this film come out a few years ago perhaps we would have been more excited. As it is however, they’ve missed the boat by a long shot on this one. Apples and pears, Guv’ner! You’re havin a laaaf! We’re in Barney Rubble! (Just getting warmed up).

Cockneys vs Zombies is out in cinemas on the 31st August.

Will you be going to see this tardy zombie film? Or just assume that the Cockneys win…

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