It’s one of the rules of the Internet – whenever something makes a lot of money AND is critically acclaimed, it’s due a colossal backlash. Contrary is what I would normally call it, and maybe that’s what I am being; a contrarian. But I cannot in good conscious read another article about how great Disney’s Frozen is without making a stand. This is it.

Jeremy Renner continues to dominate our screens with his endless parade of identical blank-eyed punch-puppet characters, but he’s not the only actor ever to land a knockout roundhouse or stab someone through the eye! Join us for a largely arbitrary run-down of the top 13 fight scenes of all time, as chosen by, well, us. Why do we get to choose? Come a bit closer and say that, you Jessie. D’you like hospital food?

Remember when Top 10 lists weren’t depressing, but uplifting? They reminded you about which beach bodies were buffest, and who was the richest, and which holiday destinations were best. This list isn’t like that. This is a sad list. Now, this sad list has parameters because we aren’t talking about merely becoming older, for that is unaccountably ageist, and we at Best For Film love those close-to-death, crotchety, ‘back in my day’ old timers. We aren’t here to make fun of those rushing headlong into the endless sleep. No, no dear friends, we are here to make fun of those actors and actresses that have become freaks of nature. Welcome to our sad list guys. You won’t thank us.

Hey, you know that saying about the eyes being the window to your soul? What if the window opened up into a nightmare, wrapped in a murder, nestled in an insane asylum? Don’t understand? You will, my friend, oh you will.

Hey, do you have a name? I don’t care really. You’re not famous. Neither is Frances Gumm. Or should I say JUDY GARLAND. Come on peeps, we all know they laughed at old Gummy’s face when she came to an audition. Why, Virginia McMath was probably a boffin before she became Ginger Rogers, and don’t even get me started on Archie Leach. What’s in a name? Well, I’m gonna show you.