Oh guess what, it’s time for another Katherine Heigl film to come out. Why? Because you touch yourself. It’s One For The Money day, and the only rational response is to drink until you don’t have a mouth anymore. Have we seen the film yet? That’s hardly the point.

Beautiful and touching portrayals of inspiring historical figures are so soppy aren’t they? We decided it’s time to commemorate some of the worst and most distasteful attempts at realising history’s icons.

After the earth-shatteringly offensive event that was the release of Adam “cry for help” Sandler’s Jack And Jill, this week was always going to feel like the slightly shaky recovery period after a fairly severe stroke. With that in mind, we’re going to try and go easy on this week’s releases. We really are. What’s that? Ghost-Rider, Spirit of Nic Cage’s Constant Failures? Oh forget it, sign us up to a DNR and let the glorious abyss take over…

It’s hard not to like Woody Harrelson, isn’t it? Until the recently-released Rampart, he’d never blown us away with his performances, but has maintained a amiable screen presence for the last 20 years. We take a glimpse into the life of the self-proclaimed ‘Hollywood hippie.’

Yep, the coming week is mere moments away. Quite a lot of moments, admittedly, but look at them – all lined up ready to throw themselves into the ever-thinning gulf between you and Monday morning. Still, at least there are NEW FILMS to be watched. And what better way to decide on what to feast your face on then by watching the trailers? Yes, there are loads of better ways, but this way is mega-easy.

Another week gone, and unless you’re Whitney Houston you’ve managed to survive it! (We’ll stop the Whitney jokes next week, promise). What better way to celebrate your continued existence than to crawl back into bed and read about all the things what done happened since last time we presumed upon your weekend?

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance is right around the corner and no-one is excited. Seeing as this will be yet another inevitably awful Nicolas Cage film, we’re trying to remind ourselves that he’s not always been that bad…

With Nicholas Cage galloping back onto the screen for the long awaited (ahem) sequel to Ghost Rider this week, what better way to celebrate than with a high speed, booze fuelled marathon of motorbike classics? So, grab your buddies, a dangerous amount of alcohol and a fistful of biker flicks and get ready to lose the next six hours of your life riding the highway to a serious blackout.

Muppets Muppets Muppets Muppets Muppets! And what we actually mean by that is, there are plenty of choices for your Orange voucher this week. But mainly if you don’t go and see The Muppets, you’re probably dying of some terrible disease. LET’S TALK:

What do The Muppets, Ali G and Flight Of The Conchords all have in common? Apart from the occasional bit of humourous racism, we mean? Why the STICKY TOUCH of James Bobin, of course! Co-creator of Sacha Baron Cohen’s most famous character, creative brain behind the Conchords’ TV success and director of The Muppets – how on earth has this bloke stayed under our radar for so long? Probably the racist stuff, to be honest. CHEAT SHEET!