Valentine’s Day has arrived. Yuck. However, if we’re very lucky, the Mayans could have correctly predicted 2012 to be the end of the world and, therefore, this will be the last V Day we’re ever subjected to. No more simpering teddies clutching hearts, no more tacky cards, no more bad-tasting chocolate hearts and no more wilting flowers. Hurray! To celebrate the (potentially) last Valentine’s Day ever, we’ve decided to count down our favourite silver screen lovers…

It’s Monday, it’s wet and virtually nobody apart from Michel Hazanavicius and Jean Dujardin have anything to be cheery about. Right? WRONG. This week you should be heading straight to London NW6, where sunshine and rainbows surround the Tricycle Theatre and its superb International Film Season. Thank God It’s Monday!

Valentine’s Day approaches, and as this Friday night looms you’re either putting the finishing touches on the mound of presents you’ve prepared for your other half or injecting K Cider into your genitals in the hope that it’ll feel like someone stroking (or at least punching) you. If the former is true, we hate you – if it’s the latter, put that syringe down and try having a drink the traditional way. Compulsively.

George Lucas’ mammoth rerelease of all six Star Wars films in 3D has finally begun with the most profitable of them all, 1999’s The Phantom Menace. Are you thinking about going to see it, just for old times’ sake? DON’T. There’s no need for you to ruin your comfortably rose-tinted memories of Lucas’ increasingly childish ‘space operas’, and he’ll only use the money to increase the diameter of his neck some more…

DEAR GOD NOTHING HAS EVER BEEN COLDER THAN THIS. No more smugly wearing hats, no more wistful wintery walks, no more thinking about how nice it’ll feel when we’re finally indoors – this is madness. Get thee to a cinema. For your health. FOR YOUR HEALTH, WE SAY.

The renowned Tricycle Theatre in Kilburn is bringing the best of international cinema to London in the build-up to the 2012 Oscars. Nominated and longlisted films from all over the world will be screening for just two weeks before the Academy Awards themselves – make sure you don’t miss out on a seat!

Has your invite to this year’s Academy Awards been lost in the post? Don’t worry, so has ours (again). But if you’re in London then why not celebrate the Oscars in style at pioneering multi-arts venue Rich Mix?

He’s got an Oscar nomination, a fantastic new film in cinemas and a talent for playing creatively terrifying characters. So why have you barely heard of him? This week the Cheat Sheet celebrates John Hawkes, an actor who has finally come in from the cold to the reception he deserves.

Here we are again, eh? Another start to another week in another month that will go on and on until one of those predictions we’ve heard about end up being true and we all get cast into the fiery depths. Which, frankly, will be a nice change. Anyway, The Glasgow Film Festival is on! That’s something to raise your kilt about!

Did you ever want to be an astronaut? What about a superhero? Did Harry Potter leave you wishing you could be a wizard? Well, luckily for you that’s never going to happen, and, as such, you’re never going to have to discover just how boring life as an Auror can be with no Voldemort to fight. For anyone growing up idolising famous movie doctors, scientists or police officers, however, disappointment is only one successful application away.