With The Human Centipede 2 oozing its way onto cinema screens today, our thoughts can’t help but turn to that tricky devil: censorship. Is there room for it in the information age, or is it as antiquated as the desire to leave mouth and anus unattached? Two of our mouthiest writers fight it out with *REMOVED DUE TO CONTENT* results…

As we discovered to our cost a few weeks ago, the only way to get through a screening of 3D Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy is to be so drunk that you can’t feel your extremities. After having our ‘cultural sensitivity’ nodes rotted by decades of dreadful stereotypes, we’re just going to assume that the same rule applies to everything from what we’re still calling the Far East. That’s not racist, right?

Is there any hurt more painful than that of disappointing porn? 3D Sex And Zen has been advertised as a cheerful bums-and-boobs romp through Eastern erotica, with its tongue firmly in cheek (as well as everywhere else you can think of, sailor). Imagine my surprise, then, at being presented of two hours of utterly incomprehensible nonsense interspersed with scenes of (hilarious?) rape. Boring, offensive and utterly baffling. Don’t bother. Really.

Only the worst bits. So, like, all of it?