If* we ever build a time machine, Adam, we’re going back to 1966 to kick your mum in the stomach. *When

Adam Sandler stars in this gritty family drama from Dennis Dugan, which follows in the footsteps of 2011’s Tyrannosaur and We Need to Talk About Kevin in its exploration of the dark complexities of human nature. By turns shocking and deeply poignant, Jack and Jill‘s unflinching examination of the relationship between a pair of twins is often unpalatable and frequ – HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This film is unreal.

Grown Ups, Adam Sandler’s latest crime against cinema, has beaten Scott Pilgrim to the UK box office top spot.

Okay, so there are these grown ups who act like children, right? And their children, they act like grownups. And the grownups want the children to act like children like they did when they were children, and they realise that showing their children how to act like children will help them stop acting like children and start acting like grownups and oh god stop my brain hurts.

You may well find yourself groaning numerous times as you read through this no-news, as there’s absolutely nothing enticing, exciting, or even mildly amusing about any aspect of it. It’s just one of those things that’ll make you lose faith in humanity that teensy little bit more. Who says you get nothing for free online?