The unseen footage from Apollo 18, which is released today, will give us historically accurate and scientifically verifiable accounts of why we never returned to the moon. On top of the rock-solid evidence provided by Apollo 18, we have compiled a list of intergalactic calamity that should keep your lunar escapades at bay.

A shagadelic bit of news? Or is it as tired as Austin’s sex jokes? We’re not even sure what we’re feeling about this so far, but we have to admit, we’re intrigued. According to Jay Roach, the director of all three Austin outings, the time may have come for the International Man Of Mystery to don those glasses once more.