Is there any hurt more painful than that of disappointing porn? 3D Sex And Zen has been advertised as a cheerful bums-and-boobs romp through Eastern erotica, with its tongue firmly in cheek (as well as everywhere else you can think of, sailor). Imagine my surprise, then, at being presented of two hours of utterly incomprehensible nonsense interspersed with scenes of (hilarious?) rape. Boring, offensive and utterly baffling. Don’t bother. Really.