Miley Cyrus + the author of The Notebook and Dear John? A quirky but lovable character that finds herself in a heartwarming but ultimately doomed situation? Yep, you’re going to get exactly what you expect. The tweeny-pop sensation has essentially chosen the perfect vehicle in The Last Song for a transition from pop singer to… well… pop actress. But it is actually a film that will affect anyone other than her existing fan base? Probably not.

There’s a lot to worry about when it comes to the delicate, supple young minds of our children. But rather than bubblewrapping the family computer and locking the shed, maybe we should look a bit deeper into what kids films tell our children about life. We’ve examined (in great, hasty detail) the classic films kids love to watch and we must say, the results are urine-inducing…