Ever-lurking like the memory of the time you did that really awful thing, we will never, ever be free of Monday. The best we can do is run into its embrace with a knife behind our back, willing to stab it six ways from Friday evening. We’re a bit lost now, to be honest, but let’s commiserate the start of another week by devouring this week’s top releases: the trailer editions.

If the only Gallo you associate with cinema is Vincent, you’re officially behind the times – California’s famous Gallo Family Vineyards is launching the Gallo Film Club with a star-studded bash right here in London. And we’ve got a pair of tickets to the event to give away!

In this vast, unknowable, ever-changing universe there are few things which we can safely rely on to remain constant. Thus those that do, those that struggle on relentlessly, blithely ignoring the evanescent nature of human existence – taxes, the Kardashians, films which pit one mythical creature/alien/abstract concept against another in a brutal fight to the death – can only bring us joy. In recognition, then, of the grand tradition of the “something vs something else” film – and to celebrate the release of Strippers vs. Werewolves – we bring you the Top Ten Versus Films. Enjoy! But remember, whoever wins, we lose/get eaten.

OH SWEET JESUS, HAVE YOU SEEN THE RAIN? April is determined to go out with a soggy bang, and now all your plans for a nice picnic have been drowned in sky-water there’s literally no reason for you not to go to the cinema tonight. You could even take in your pork pies and ginger beer and that! Thrift and films and pretending to be in the Famous Five, that’s the Best For Film way…

Every group needs a hate figure. In music, it’s the squeaky voiced sick-midget Justin Bieber, in Christianity it’s that scheming git Judas, and in film that hate figure has gradually become mop-haired vampire-face Robert Pattinson. But guys, c’mon! Don’t hate the player, hate the game! The game in this case being “make loadsa cash out of thick people-ball”. Pattinson’s not to blame, he’s just trying his best.

This week he’s starring in the fifth of nine Marvel movies due to feature his gleaming head and mellifluous voice. Last week he was probably playing golf. Next week he’ll be straight back to making another film, because that’s how he rolls. This week’s cheat sheet is all about Samuel L. Jackson, which automatically makes it the most badass Cheat Sheet of all time.

“Oh no, it’s Monday and the rain’s come tumbling down and not even Russell Crowe in his big new boat can save me from drowning in April malaise and literal water.” Button your lip, nay-sayer! Robert Redford just rode into town with a holster full of Sundance; there’s never been a better reason to pull on an anorak and brave the storm. Thank God it’s Monday!

Your brain is gearing up for another week of think-filth, so who can blame you for spending your final hours of freedom gawping cheerily into nothingness? There are BRAND NEW films out this week, and all of them have splendid, noisy trailers. Stop trying to read anything, leave the washing-up where it is and promise yourself you’ll definitely change your sheets in an hour or so – WATCHING TRAILERS IS NOW!

Today heralds the release of post-nuclear war horror flick The Divide. In order to celebrate its arrival onto our screens, BFF brings you a drinking game that will help you forget about the fact that your hair is falling out in clumps (because of the radiation) and that there’s a ton of zombies hammering at your door hungry to eat your brains or whatever.

Film journalists often run through a certain number of preparations before the release of a new film. For any new Michael Bay movie the Caps Lock will be checked and re-checked; before every Katherine Heigl feature critics will hurry out to bathe in acid; and for Christopher Nolan they will bend over and spread their cheeks accordingly. Not so for poor Amanda Seyfried, whose new film Gone opens this week to deafening silence. Probably because there’s not that much to say. Well, except this.