To celebrate the release of the surprisingly lark-worthy 21 Jump Street, we’ve decided to spend the evening getting drunk to the best ever supremely awful protectors of citizens world-wide. Grab yourself a beer, Bad Boys 2 and someone you despise (but will come to depend on) – there are cannons en-route, and boy are they ever loose.

It looks like John Carter is going to fall fast and land hard at the box office. Costing a cool $250 mill’ to make, based on a cherised collection of sci-fi novels, featuring the most sophisticated CGI Disney could afford and being the live action debut of director Andrew Stanton (Finding Nemo, Wall-E plus writing credits on the Toy Story trilogy), John Carter looked like a shoe-in to be one of the year’s toppermost earners. Right now it looks like breaking even worldwide would be a hopeful return. Which got us thinking….

To celebrate the release of The Hunger Games, a film in which children are forced to fight one another to the death (much to the amusement of others), we’ve decided to look back over cinema’s Top 10 Most Inappropriate Games For Children. Not because we like children, or want to preserve them in any way, just because we can…

There isn’t an Adam Sandler film out this week! If there’s a better reason to go to the cinema tonight, we certainly haven’t found it. Two for one tickets! Oranges! Wordplay! Hurrah!

How much do you really know about one time Funky Bunch leader and current star of Contraband Mark Wahlberg? Eh? Eh? Well prepare to know a whole lot less with this week’s Cheat Sheet, detailing all the things you never wanted to know about Marky Mark….

Another week? Really? Don’t worry, at some point you’ll die and all this will come to a welcome end, but until then it’s Monday and there’s nothing we can do about it. Still, there are always marvellous things going on, and it’s OUR JOB to raise your spirits with them. Set your anticipation guns from stun to kill; it’s time for the Rich Mix’s Festival Of Dangerous Ideas.

No, no – not films with women in them. That would be silly. Instead, to celebrate the release of mumbling Jonny Cusack’s Edgar Allan Poe biopic (loosest use of the term) The Raven, we’ll be turning our attention to appearances made by our feathered friends on the big screen. To paraphrase Peter Pan “Being drunk is the happiest thing! It’s the same as having wings!”

Have you seen the weather? It’s ghastly – never mind that you were having a picnic last weekend, Jack Frost is back and he’s all too ready to introduce an icicle to your most jealously guarded passages. Why not sit in a nice cosy cinema with someone huggable instead of wandering around outside? OWLTIME:

He’s got another mediocre action film out – in this one he plays the grizzled vet to Ryan Reynolds’ wet-behind-the-ears n00b, so THAT’s new and exciting! – and more in the pipeline – has Denzel Washington forgotten the power and flair which won him two Oscars? No, actually, he hasn’t. Hang on, what do you mean you didn’t know about the two Oscars? Nurse – give this patient a Cheat Sheet, stat.

So Jake Lloyd – aka, the wrong Anakin Skywalker – has recently been in the news citing The Phantom Menace as the reason his life turned out all wrong. Join the club, Jake. We’re all suffering here. Anyway, the ironic thing is that Jake Lloyd’s life being hilariously crap is possibly the one thing in the world we can’t actually blame on George Lucas. Why? Read on…