The unseen footage from Apollo 18, which is released today, will give us historically accurate and scientifically verifiable accounts of why we never returned to the moon. On top of the rock-solid evidence provided by Apollo 18, we have compiled a list of intergalactic calamity that should keep your lunar escapades at bay.

There’s no doubt about it; cinema ain’t what it used to be. What with new and improved seating, 3D films assaulting your retinas and more snacks then you can shake your expanding belly at, going to the flicks has become somewhat different to that of our forefathers. So who’s for an extra-crispy, oven-roasted, honey-glazed, menagerie of cinema with extra sprinkles, all topped with a quails egg?

Hi! I’m not Troy McClure. You might remember me from other such features as “Top 10 Aimless 80’s Nostalgia Trips” and “Waffling On About Something Irrelevant That Causes Me Disproportionate Anger”. Now, let’s stroll together down a list of the great Mr. McClure’s oft-name dropped movies, and see which ones should be jammed into production like a fish in a sock.