It looks like John Carter is going to fall fast and land hard at the box office. Costing a cool $250 mill’ to make, based on a cherised collection of sci-fi novels, featuring the most sophisticated CGI Disney could afford and being the live action debut of director Andrew Stanton (Finding Nemo, Wall-E plus writing credits on the Toy Story trilogy), John Carter looked like a shoe-in to be one of the year’s toppermost earners. Right now it looks like breaking even worldwide would be a hopeful return. Which got us thinking….

Good films are our favourite kind of films, and it’s pretty hard to make a good film out of a rubbish script. As a result, most good films have pretty good scripts. But sometimes, even in the very best films, there are lines so arse-shatteringly dreadful that they cause nearby birds to explode. Here’s some of those.