Articles Posted by the Author

  • The Lego Movie

    Let’s review some recent facts. There are now so few totally original screenplays set to hit screens in 2014 that Total Film feel the need to brag about there being any at all. Sad, but not surprising; such is the nature of supply and demand, and the reality of what it takes to make studio…


  • Abattoir Blues #5 – Netflix horror, Val Kilmer style

    Of the many wonderful things about Netflix – like being able to watch five seasons of RuPaul’s Drag Race without getting up, and never being in danger of accidentally watching a film you’ve heard of – my favourite is rummaging through the weird careers of major Hollywood stars. For example, just by clicking on his name, I can look at Val Kilmer’s catalogue, watch all the horror movies that pop up, and then sort-of review them with gently derisive affection. Right, let’s do that then.




  • Blue Is the Warmest Colour

    Sometimes, you find out something about a film after you’ve seen it that totally rocks your perception of it. Like watching 1995 supernatural-tween fantasy Powder and then finding out that the director molested a 12 year old boy. Or learning that the protagonist family in The Impossible weren’t actually rich Americans in real life. Blue…


  • Upstream Color

    Full disclosure – you almost certainly won’t quite understand Upstream Color’s narrative while you’re watching it. We didn’t; we had a grip on about 40%, at a push. The berk behind us, who loudly exclaimed “UH YEAH I TOTALLY GOT ALL OF IT” to a girl who was trying to climb deep inside her Blackberry?…


  • You’re Next

    It doesn’t start brilliantly, but that’s kind of the point. For the first act, You’re Next sticks to genre staples and conventions; if reviews and trailers have prepared you for a wry horror comedy, you might follow the cold opening dispatch of a post-coital couple, complete with “eugh, really?” pointless nudity, with a “…ha?” It…


  • Pain & Gain

    We (royal) are, for some reason, SO willing to see Michael Bay redeemed. I was so convinced of Transformers’ potential greatness that I didn’t realise it sucked until about an hour after I’d seen its SEQUEL. And then I saw the big snake robot eat a building and thought “F*CK, Transformers 3 might actually be…


  • Polyester @ The Roxy – a Scalarama special

    Screenings are important. Screenings are how I discovered that Carrie is the scariest film ever made. Screenings are how I got to see Tommmy Wiseau tell a ten minute story about leather jackets. Screenings are responsible for the only tolerable instance I’ve seen of someone eating nachos in a cinema, albeit fancy ones. The guys from Scalarama are firmly in agreement with these statements, and they want to get you involved.