At the turn of the millennium, while we ordinary folk were struggling with our spelling, the Harry Potter Three; Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, and Rupert Grint were being pampered and preened, photographed and photoshopped, and showered with riches. It’s enough to give us ordinary folk a severe case of heebie-jeebie jealousy. Most importantly, it’s enough to send the trio abso-Jackson-lutely mental. Here, we provide the frankest, honestest account of the baffling circus that became the lives of the cursed stars from 2011 to the present day (which is 2031, of course).