Cats the world over breathe a sigh of relief as Curiosity lands on Mars. What will the NASA rover tell us? What will it find? Dust? Martians? The tattered remains of John Carpenter’s dignity? We humans had a real thing for the fourth rock from the Sun in the late 90s, ushering in a host of dreadful films about Mars whose Wikipedia blurbs end with ‘a critical and commercial failure’.

FOUR DAYS FOUR DAYS FOUR DAYS! What better way to celebrate the PROPERLY NEARLY HERENESS of Christmas than by hiding a film about Santa battling aliens behind your Advent calendar window? None, that’s what.

We’ve melted our brains watching some of the oddest Christmas films ever committed to celluloid; the least you can do is read our opinions. This blog is suitable for fans of squirrels, kidnapping, teleportation, Martians, amnesia, S Club 7, rent arrears, curling, balloons and rape.