Look, we weren’t going to do this – offending the world’s 1.2bn Catholics would put quite a dent in our web traffic, and we suspect the Vatican is a dab hand at DDoS attacks when it feels the need. But after A WHOLE DAY of 115 cardinals failing to decide which of the essentially interchangeable old white men among them should be the next King of the Interchangeable Old White Men, BFF has no choice but to step in. Brace yourself, Jehovah.

That’s right; Liam Neeson is going to play a raccoon. An actual raccoon.