Is there any hurt more painful than that of disappointing porn? 3D Sex And Zen has been advertised as a cheerful bums-and-boobs romp through Eastern erotica, with its tongue firmly in cheek (as well as everywhere else you can think of, sailor). Imagine my surprise, then, at being presented of two hours of utterly incomprehensible nonsense interspersed with scenes of (hilarious?) rape. Boring, offensive and utterly baffling. Don’t bother. Really.

The documentary that follows Joaquin Phoenix’s transformation from a 2-time Academy Award nominated actor into a Captain Birdseye lookalike who tries to rap has found a buyer.

If you’re already aware of The Killer Inside Me, chances are you’ll almost certainly know of it as “that film where Casey Affleck beats seven shades of blue out of Jessica Alba’s face.” You don’t have to wait long to find out that you have not been lied to. Indeed, if The Killer Inside Me sets out to make audiences feel uncomfortable, then it is an undeniable success. But does the film have anything else noteworthy to offer us?