It’s Monday, the Olympics are officially open, public transport is hell on earth between the hours of “all the time” and “even at 3.42am”; taking all that into account, you’ve rung into work sick because women’s beach volleyball kicks off this afternoon and Tom Daley will be in Speedos in HD at some point – who wants to miss that? YOU, that’s who. Because the BFI has nice things for you to look at in the way of Alfred Hitchcock; that’s way better than some poxy diving. We hope Daley wees in the pool, so that they postpone it and you HAVE to go.