After an award-laden 45 years in front of the camera, Hollywood heavyweight Dustin Hoffman makes his directorial debut right here in Blighty with this eager-to-please septuagenarian backstage comedy. And as if that wasn’t excitement enough, Quartet features an illustrious cast of British acting royalty, including one Dame, two Sirs, and enough C-, O- and MBEs to make you feel like you should probably go home and have a wash. And Billy Connolly. What could possibly go wrong?

Gathering dust in various stages of development hell since 1997, Gambit finally arrives on the big screen. From the off it’s clear Michael Hoffman’s remake of the 1966 caper is no spring chicken. A comic heist film so thoroughly undercooked and blushing with embarrassment, the only chicanery here is the evident self-deceit involved in slumming for a paycheck.

Oh yes. This is totally what old age is going to be like…