We probably shouldn’t laugh at the fact that Charlie Sheen is clearly dying in front of us, but it’s really bloody funny so we’re going to. These are just some of our favourite quotes from the last few days:

On being a bitchin’ rock star from Mars:

“I’m tired of pretending I’m not a bitchin’ rock star from Mars.”

On being a plane:

“I’m an F-18, bro.”

On fixing his life:

“They told me to fix my life. And I did. In like, an hour.”

On precisely how he fixed his life:

“I have a disease? Bullshit! I cured it… with my mind.”

On his watch:

“The only watch that keeps Warlock time.”

On resentment:

“Resentments are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my sabre.”

On how he ‘beat’ drug and alcohol problems:

“‘I’ve got Tiger blood and Adonis DNA.”

However, on being the best drug addict ever:

“What’s not to love? It was epic. The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards just look like droopy-eyed armless children.”

On his new addiction:

“I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

On something else:

“It was so gnarly I can’t remember.”